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Relationship

The way humans are connected.

  • Scar Tissues Make Relationships Wear Out | Professor John Ousterhout (HN)
    • When you have a wound (disagreement) that doesn't heal quite properly and weaker tissue fills up that gap
    • Scar tissues accumulate every time anything is not resolved perfectly
    • Patterns arise and then the phrase "You always X"
    • One good comment: scar tissues are reasons the bank account goes negative, but it's easy to forget that it also needs reasons to go positive. No credits mean the debits make the account go red very quickly.
  • Ask HN: What can you do or learn to experience a better love life?
    • Pay attention. Listen. Be interested.
    • Talk, chat, humorous or serious, world events or household events or gossip
    • "Should an emergency occur, you need to put your oxygen mask on first, before attempting to help those around you." → Work on yourself so that you are a better partner in a relationship
  • The Imago Dialogue | Integral Psychology
    • "I-It" discussions versus "I-You" dialogue
    • Safety (without shame, blame and criticism), listening without judgement, creating space (two people met as "I-You")
    • Mirroring: sender uses "I" language ("I feel"), receiver echoes the sender's message
    • Validation: who is right and who is wrong doesn't matter, because the underlying pain is what needs to be addressed
    • Empathy: "I imagine you might be feeling X" (angry, sad, lonely, afraid, happy, joyful…)